There must be a hundred and one reasons for being unforgiving, but the most important one has got to be betrayal. Being betrayed usually encompasses feelings of loss, mistrust, hurt and anger, and possibly even denial. Being betrayed is truly traumatic, leaving a person reeling and unable to come to terms with such an awful event for a significant period of time. Despite all efforts to the contrary, despite all the moral or religious teachings, the truth is this: betrayal is the most difficult, if not impossible, action to forgive.

Think of sharing an important secret with a close and trusted friend. Then imagine the close and trusted friendblurting out that secretout of the blue, giving away your innermost thoughts, hopes, needs and desires. The “friend” has let you down, hurt you, proved untrustworthy; basically proven that the friend is no longer a friend.

After realizing that they’ve betrayed you, there’s also an element of sadness and loss, because you’ve now lost a friendship you once valued.You will never be able to see them in the same light again, nor will you ever trust them. Combined with these feelings is one of foolishness for having been so taken in by this person. When you experience such a huge amount of negative emotions, forgiveness is the last thing you can offer. It’s in cases like these that it is acceptable not to forgive.

Self-preservation enters the equation when we talk about betrayal. There are many people in life you may encounter who wouldn’t think twice of betraying you in one way or another. There are the colleagues at work who take your ideas and gain credit with the boss by presenting it as their own. You’ll almost always need to be on your guard in order to preserve yourself, which leaves you less open to genuine workmates and relationships.

Cheating partners are the biggest form of betrayal a person can suffer. Oh, many of us try to forgive and forget, or at least attempt to put things back together for various reasons. But something has been torn apart, destroyed and devalued, so it will take a very long time to re-build love, trust and friendship, if ever that happens. Again, the need to protect and preserve yourself and perhaps your children, arises and becomes a driving force that leads you to the inevitable conclusion: that maybe, this is the time when you do not forgive and forget.